btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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