I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
