Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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