I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
