I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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