Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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