i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I understand Curling. That high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
