If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
