Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
