so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
