hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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