My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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