'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize