We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.