Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
  Replies (5) Good night (1248) Bad night (620)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

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  (269): Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid". http://tfl.nu/zeei
  Replies (22) Good night (6055) Bad night (792)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

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  (978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis http://tfl.nu/3jq7
  Replies (8) Good night (876) Bad night (3905)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay

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  (781): So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay http://tfl.nu/35ja
  Replies (11) Good night (4691) Bad night (1374)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

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  (941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet. http://tfl.nu/jjy9
  Replies (13) Good night (3615) Bad night (1107)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.

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  (248): If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is. http://tfl.nu/p0ib
  Replies (15) Good night (2640) Bad night (912)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

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  (845): Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/8d0r
  Replies (8) Good night (1331) Bad night (344)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker

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  (612): Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker http://tfl.nu/kwb8
  Replies (4) Good night (482) Bad night (861)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.

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  (803): I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT. http://tfl.nu/pk4z
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (447)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.

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  (971): He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME. http://tfl.nu/az6l
  Replies (7) Good night (359) Bad night (736)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs

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  (410): True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs http://tfl.nu/odrq
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (869)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.

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  (609): I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room. http://tfl.nu/he9i
  Replies (8) Good night (556) Bad night (525)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?

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  (612): did you just take a shot to penises and friendship? http://tfl.nu/wdge
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (157)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?

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  (412): What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar? http://tfl.nu/zns5
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (204)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

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  (609): this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with http://tfl.nu/msu7
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (360)

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