Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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