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I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
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