Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird