The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
