My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
These tits shall not be calmed