If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
