I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
