got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
a search helicopter?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
