oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
