I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
