Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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