I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
