Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
