New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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