a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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