I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
