I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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