My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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