People in love make me want to vomit
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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