the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
