...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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