it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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