Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
