haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
