Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
