remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
