I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
