if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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