His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
