Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The air was thick with penises
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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