I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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