so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
