woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
