somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
