Kiss
Puke
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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