onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
