My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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