So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
