Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
