Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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