Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
