when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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