theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
