Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
