:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
