I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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