I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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