He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
