He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
zippers are such a cool invention
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
