There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this just has baby written all over it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
