Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
