You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every concussion has its silver lining
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
