But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
