At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
