Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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