let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
