So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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