Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
