I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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