Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
