fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
These tits shall not be calmed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
