You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
