textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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