Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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