I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
